Wild Things 1998

Yellow Face Top Movie Reviews Rating: Watch it once, and then slap yourself and ask ‘Why did I watch that?’

Director: John McNaughton
Screenplay: Stephen Peters
Starring: Matt Dillon, Kevin Bacon, Neve Campbell, Denise Richards, Bill Murray

I have seen this movie about a billion times, and it keeps getting worse every single time I see it. So why do I watch it? That’s a good question. One could also ask why some people enjoy self mutilation. Some people are just fucked up. I guess I am fucked up. It’s that simple.

It has it’s sexy moments, and it’s share of twists and turns, but still it is a bad movie that I continue to watch. There are a few scenes that I cringe at every time I see it. I scream like a little girl watching a horror movie. The first scene that gets me is where Neve Campbell pulls out her teeth with a pair of pliers.

The other horrible scene is the one I call ‘Kevin Bacon’s Dork’…enough said.

Denise Richards is smokin’ hot in this movie. I quite enjoyed the pool scene where she gets out of the pool in slow motion. It seems like a salute to ‘Fast Times at Ridgemont High’ when Phoebe Cates get’s out of the pool in slow motion while Judge Reinhold is watching her from the bathroom. What makes this Wild Things scene even more funny is that when Denise Richards gets out of the poll Kevin Bacon shows up and utters the phrase ‘Nice stroke’

It’s dirty but awesome.

In fact, after writing about the movie I have the urge to watch it again. I nkow for a fact that I will watch, enjoy and then regret doing it afterwards. If you haven’t seen this movie at all, it is a must see (just don’t tell anyone that you enjoyed it).

E.T. 1982
Yellow Face Top Movie Reviews Rating: Keep this movie in your memories and avoid watching again in order to avoid ruining your childhood

Director: Steven Spielberg
Screenplay: Melissa Mathison
Starring: Henry Thomas, Dee Wallace, Robert MacNaughton, Drew Barrymore

Yeah, Yeah ET is a classic. I will agree with that. I am sure you remember watching it when you were 5 years old and really loving the movie. My advice to you is this: Don’t watch it again.

Let it be a nice nostalgic memory for you.

I recently decided to take a walk down ‘Nostaligia Lane’ and watch ET for the first time in 20 years and was sadly disappointed. Sure it helped with the nostalgia kick but other than that it was a waste of time. I can see that if you had kids and you wanted top share this movie with them. Watching it then would be alright.

With a lack of action, sex, and violence this movie could only be enjoyed by a child. Honestly I would rather spend 120 minutes watching Denise Milani videos.

On a side note, everyone is aware that Drew Barrymore was one of the child stars of the movie, but people don’t realize is that Erika Eleniak of Playboy and Baywatch fame was also one of the young stars of the film. Upon learning this I was prompted to do a little research on what Erika had been up to since Bay Watch. Another child hood memory was ruined, as she now looks like a chubby Michal Jackson

**shudders**

Click 2006
Yellow Face Top Movie Reviews Rating: Buy it, watch it. Be careful not to cry around your friends.

Director: Frank Coraci
Screenplay: Steve Koren, Mark O’Keefe
Starring: Adam Sandler, Kate Beckinsale, Christopher Walken, David Hasselhoff, Henry Winkler

First things first. I just want to get it out of the way here.

I cried during this movie. That’s right: I cried.

Judging by the trailers for this movie it seems like a hilarious comedy, and don’t get me wrong it is, it’s just that it is actually one of those comedies that is a real tear jerker. The fact is, this is the same Adam Sandler movie you have seen over and over again: Adam Sandler is with a hot woman, he acts likea child, and then learns a lesson in the end. The only difference is that this movie actually touched me and I cried.

I found myself wishing that I had a remote control that could do all of those great things that Adam Sandlers remote could do including fast forwarding through all of the boring parts of life, which is what the y use to rip at your heartstrings (and I thought that I had no heart strings…I was wrong).

I think the best use of the remote had to be the slow function while watching the jogger with the gigantic boobies. That did it for me right there! And of course the stuff with David Hasslehoff was pretty funny as well. Overall the movie was really funny, just be prepared for the sad parts to kick in. I think that if you are prepared for the sad parts then you should be ready to roll. Just don’t watch this movie with a bunch of your buddies if you have a history of shedding a few tears now and then, otherwise you may end up with a future of ridicule.

If you enjoy Adam Sandler movies, then you will like this. If you are not a Sandler fan, then you haven’t even read this far into the review.

The Pianist 2002
Yellow Face Top Movie Reviews Rating: Avoid at all costs. If someone near you begins to watch it, leave if possible. If leaving is impossible: destroy television.

Director: Roman Polanski
Screenplay: Wladyslaw Szpilman, Ronald Harwood
Starring: Adrien Brody, Thomas Kretschmann

I saw this movie 5 years ago and I still regret giving up those three hours. Call me uncultured, unsympathetic whatever you like, but this movie bored the poop out of me.

Although most of the memories have faded, I still recall the main driving force of the movie. I’m oppressed, I play the piano …repeat as necessary. This movie won 3 Oscars, and for the most part I hate movies that win Oscars. SO I would like to thank the Academy for keeping the ‘hate streak.’

The main highlight of this movie for me was when I was awoken from my slumber by pizza boy knocking on my door. It was a great pizza. My advice to you: unless you thrive on films where the tag line is something along the lines of ‘Music was his passion. Survival was his masterpiece’ and enjoy an abundant amount of granola I suggest you skip over the pianist .

Taxi Driver 1976
Yellow Face Top Movie Reviews Rating: Add it to your movie collection right f@#king now.

Director: Maritin Scorsese
Screenplay: Paul Shrader
Starring: Robert Deniro, Cybill Shepard, Peter Boyle, Jodie Foster, Harvey Keitel.

Before you watch this movie you have to do one simple thing: go without sleep for about 5 days. Hope fully at this point you will be in the same mind frame of Robert Deniro’s character, Travis.

The basic one sentence plot outline of this movie is that it is about a Vietnam vet that slowly starts to feel detached from society. He sees everything as corrupt and dirty, and eventually he can’t take it anymore and violently lashes out.

But it is so much more than that.

I would say it is more like an experience. The character Travis goes ahead and does the things that we all wish we could do sometimes: Lash out violently at society without any thought of the consequences. The writer Paul Shrader kept a loaded gun in his desk while writing this movie a motivational piece.

For those of you that are familiar with the now cliched “Are you talkin’ to me” line, it came from this movie. Another great thing that came from this movie- the exploding hand.

If you haven’t seen this movie then you should be shot in the head: Scorsese style. Seriously, it’s “time to get organezized” and see this movie…stop making me angry, go watch it

Girl Interrupted 1999
Yellow Face Top Movie Reviews Rating: Watch it when it’s on TV and nothing else is on.

Director: James Mangold
Screenplay: James Mangold, Lisa Loomer and Anna Hamilton Phelan
Starring: Winona Ryder, Angelina Jolie, Clea DuVall, Brittany Murphy, Whoopi Goldberg, Jared Leto

Girl Interrupted was based on Susanna Kaysen’s book written about her experiences in a mental hospital in the 1960’s. Crazy people have always been a great source of inspiration and humour, so I believe the book practically wrote itself, and of course by that rational, the movie should have watched itself.

It’s been a while since I have seen the film, so only a few details really stick out in my mind.

1. The girl that kept the chicken carcasses under her bed.
2. Angelina and Winona belted out a horrid rendition of the Petula Clark tune: Downtown.

I probably would have enjoyed the song if it were sung by insane people, not just by people acting crazy. Of course it would have been better if Angelina were naked. Nudity seems to make things much more enjoyable. Of course if you wanted to see Angelina naked you could just watch Gia. If your goal is to see Angelina naked maybe you should save yourself some time and skip both this movie, and Gia and just head to Google Images and do a search for “Angelina Jolie nude”

Angelina Jolie won an Academy Award for Actress in a Supporting Role for this movie. I am quite surprised at this considering she didn’t win an award for her role in Hackers, which in my opinion was basically the same character.